Keeping Romance Alive in Long-Term Relationships

In the early days of dating, we often go the extra mile. We present the best version of ourselves, give thoughtful gifts like roses, enjoy romantic candlelight dinners, and openly express our love and admiration to show how much we value them.

However, as time passes, these gestures tend to fade. We start assuming our partner already knows how much they mean to us, and life’s routines and daily responsibilities take priority, leaving little room for those thoughtful acts.

Over time, other things begin to take priority over date nights, roses, or chocolates for our partner. There’s always something that feels more urgent—whether it’s the kids, an approaching work deadline, a promotion we’re chasing, or some pressing issue that demands our attention. These things gradually take precedence, and the thoughtful gestures that once nurtured the relationship are left behind.

Romance isn’t about grand vacations, elaborate plans, or expensive gifts. It’s about the small, meaningful moments we create daily. It’s about truly connecting with your partner—not just being physically present while endlessly scrolling through Instagram on separate screens. Simple gestures, like a single rose, carry immense value because they express love and thoughtfulness in a way that words alone often cannot. Romance thrives in the little things that remind your partner they are cherished every single day.

I can give you a list of simple yet effective actions that can enhance the feeling of romance and deepen the connection with your partner, but so can google or chat GPT. The reason I’m writing this blog is to remind you that the connection you may feel has faded in recent times can be rekindled. It’s never too late to reignite the spark, rebuild intimacy, and bring back the warmth and joy that once defined your relationship.

Recently, I spoke with an older couple, let's call them- John and Jenny, both well into their 50s, who were considering separation. "Why?" I asked them. They didn’t have a clear answer. Over the years, they had lost the connection and the love they once shared. With their two grown children now busy with their own lives, they no longer felt the need to stay together. They had stayed in the relationship for the sake of their children, but in the process, they had grown apart.

I suggested to John and Jenny that they could try rekindling their relationship by going out on dates again, spending quality time together, and truly talking and listening to each other. I encouraged them to express their feelings more openly and to make time for romantic gestures like dressing up, enjoying candlelight dinners, or even taking vacations together. Jenny, however, was sceptical. She pointed out that they hadn’t done any of these things in years and wasn’t convinced that any of it would make a difference. She felt that those gestures wouldn’t change anything now.

We all want to be understood, but we often forget the importance of understanding our partner first. I recently read something that really resonated with me: if we try to make our partner understand us before we’re willing to understand them, it’s like putting the cart before the horse. This simple analogy really struck a chord with me because it highlights how essential it is to listen and empathize with our partner before expecting them to do the same for us. Only then can we truly build a deeper connection.

John was taken aback when Jenny brought up the subject of separation. He believed everything was fine between them, but as he took a moment to reflect, he realized that he hadn’t truly recognized Jenny in a long time. Over the years, they had drifted so far apart that he wasn’t sure he knew who she was anymore. This realization made him see how much their connection had faded without either of them noticing.

This is more common than we often realize. Men and women sometimes view situations differently, but I’m not trying to generalize. I’m not suggesting that all men behave in one way and all women in another. Absolutely not. It all depends on the individuals and the unique dynamics between them. However, there can be certain predispositions—sometimes stemming from natural inclinations, other times influenced by societal pressures. We often don’t know how to behave in a particular situation, so we look at how others react to similar circumstances. And sometimes, our reactions are shaped by past experiences, which can guide our behaviour without us even being fully aware of it.

For example, if you’ve experienced heartbreak and someone you loved abandoned you, you might become hesitant to open up to someone else again. The fear of vulnerability may take hold, as you worry that if you let your guard down, they might walk out of your life just like the last person did, and you don’t want to feel that same shattering pain again.

There are countless reasons and dynamics at play, making it impossible to predict someone's behavior all the time. Sometimes, we may not even know how we ourselves will react to a certain situation.

So instead of getting stuck in the past, focusing on everything that went wrong, and trying to dissect how our past experiences led us to the present, I recommend starting fresh. Moving forward, be mindful of your actions, your feelings, and your relationship with your partner. Start anew with intention, and prioritize building connection and understanding in the present.

What does it mean to be Mindful in a relationship?

Being mindful in a relationship means paying attention not only to our partner’s needs and behaviour, but also to our own—recognizing our patterns and behaviours that may be affecting the relationship. It’s about identifying those patterns in the moment and actively working to change them.

We can’t go back and alter the past—whether it’s past experiences, childhood memories, or things we’ve said that have hurt our partner. But today can mark the beginning of a new future—one where our past doesn’t dictate our present behaviour, and where past pain doesn’t shape a version of ourselves that isn’t truly who we are.

Each day, we have a choice. We can continue in a vicious cycle, repeating the same patterns with different partners, or we can take responsibility for our own lives and happiness. We can change the course of our relationship.

The choice is ours.