Being the Smartest

What's it like to be the smartest person in the room? Most of us will never know. But a couple of my clients have both come to me and shared that they built their careers on the back of being the smartest person in the room: having all the answers; being sought out for advice; always knowing the right thing to do.

When we spoke, they were unhappy. They loved being the smartest person in the room, but they also found themselves struggling to connect with others. One of them had recently stepped into a position of leadership, and they had the feeling that their approach wasn't working. They had to be there for every problem, and their staff didn't seem capable of making good decisions.

This is a common pitfall. Lots of us get into leadership by being the best in our companies at what we do. We attach our identities to it. And when we step into leadership positions, we fail. Why?

Intelligence, Ego, and Fragility

It turns out that for many people, it's not enough to be the smartest person in the room. Everybody else needs to know it. And that shifts intelligence from being something that works for them, to being an expression of ego.

What's worse, being seen to be the smartest makes people fragile. And risk-averse.

You see, when you have to be known to be the smartest, it's hard to admit when you don't know something. Your ego struggles with the notion that there are things that fall within your area of expertise, where you aren't the authority. That makes it very tempting to stay inside our comfort zones.

Stepping outside our comfort zones is how we grow. It's how we continue to learn and challenge ourselves. But if we're already the smartest, and everybody knows it, and we like it that way, than any time we don't know something, we can only tarnish others' mental image of just how smart we are.

And it gets worse.

Leadership is a Different Job

Experts who are promoted into leadership are no longer experts in their field. Because their field has changed. Leadership and management are completely new skills that they haven't learned yet. So they're (usually) bad at them. But that's hard to admit. So they don't ask for help, and they struggle to learn their new role.

On top of that, leadership and management aren't about being the best, yourself. Leadership is about enabling others to do their best work. It's about enabling others to contribute toward the goals of whatever organisation you're in, whether it's a company, a charity, a church, or a sports club.

When you were an individual contributor, it was your bosses job to make sure you could do your best work, and be the smartest person in the room. Now it's your turn to do it for somebody else.

That's a big step. To go from being the recipient of the accolades to enabling others to be the centre of attention. Often our egos get in the way.

Making Change Stick

So how did we solve it? In one case, it became apparent that avoiding risk was crippling the team. In another case, they realised that having the last word meant stopping some people from contributing. They wanted to be inclusive, because they had a great team, with great ideas, but they found that their normal inclinations were exclusive and shut some people out. In another, they realised that if they couldn't model ignorance, nobody in their team would be able to, either. So they would never find out the truth, if it was distasteful. The behaviour they were modelling was leading to them being lied to. And in yet another, they realised that their work behaviour was anathema to their home behaviour, and they wanted to be the person they were at home, at work.

In every case, the change started with seeing the real impact of their behaviours. Often on others, sometimes on themselves. And realising that the impact they were having was not the impact they wanted to have. Acknowledging reality is where change starts.

Sometimes, when working with people, I will get the commentary, "This seems so basic and obvious, but I couldn't do it on my own." Just because something is obvious doesn't mean it's easy. We all need help sometimes.